Babies Don't GO There!
by ShatteredRhapsody
Summary: "Kakashi, is there any particular reason why there's a baby sticking out the back of your head?" Part of the Babies on Parade Saga; Kakashi is my next victim.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Yes, I can't help myself at this point. Damn plot bunnies are invading my mind…**

_The toddler stared at the monitor, curious as all children tend to be. The figure in the shadows behind her giggling hysterically while gesturing towards the screen. "Now Kiyo, that is your onii-san. Call him Kakashi-niisan…."_

_Two Days Later…_

Hatake Kakashi awoke to an unknown pressure upon his chest. He kept his eyes closed as he tried to discern just what was sitting on him; it couldn't have been Pakkun, since he hadn't been summoned. It wasn't Naruto, since he knew the gaki was with the rest of his team waiting for him to show up. Besides, it was too light for it to be Naruto.

But it was _moving_ around. And it didn't take him long to discover just _what_ it was when a soft pudgy hand slapped over his Sharingan eye.

"Ka'shi-niitan!"

Oh. Hell. To the _no._

Opening his normal eye, he quickly shut it with a groan. There was a damn _toddler_ sitting on him, dressed in black footy pajamas. What made him want to crawl down deeper into his futon was the fact that the _thing_ had white hair like his. But in-oh, curse the heavens above!-of all things, _pigtails._

"Ka'shi-niitan!" This time the child was more demanding, and pressed her little face right against his. "Ohayo oniitan!" And the cursed spawn did the unholy; she licked his face.

Both eyes snapped open in a glare that should have sent the child screaming and scrambling off the bed. However, the toddler merely giggled and leaned in to give a slobbery kiss all over his Sharingan eye.

"Ka'shi-niitan feel better now?" Her cherub-like face and charcoal eyes took on the expression of concern. She thought he had hurt his eye!

_Is it because it's red?_

Deciding to go with what he was praying like hell was a sick joke, Kakashi patted her head like he would pat one of his dogs. "Aa, your oniisan is all better now." Sitting up in bed, he realized that his room had made a drastic change. Instead of his plain black dresser and bookcase being the only furniture besides his bed in his room, there was small black cot with an equally small dresser beside it. He got the feeling if he opened it, he would find baby clothes.

This was either a really elaborate joke, or the Gods above had finally forsaken him.

**A/N: Don't worry, there's more to come.**


	2. Chapter 2

He stared intently at her, daring her to make a move.

It all started when he tried to get her to change into a blue onesy and the little brat laid down the law that she would _not_ being wearing blue. So when he asked her what she wanted to wear, she crawled off his futon and waddled on over-he would _not_ admit how adorable she looked waddling like a duckling-to her dresser and pulled green pants and a black long-sleeved shirt.

"Oniitan!" She exclaimed happily while pointing to the clothes.

"Iie," was his immediate reply. He had no idea where this child had come from, but he'd be damned first if she insisted on being his clone in female form.

"Oniitan…" her childish voice took on a demanding tone. "I wear dis one!" And to prove her point, she slapped the outfit with a pudgy fist and gave him a stern look.

To which he responded with a glare and a minimal amount of KI (Killer Intent). Seeing as she was a just a child, she should have given in. _However,_ seeing as how for some unholy reason, she was just as stubborn as he was.

It had already been a minute and half and she _still_ hadn't blinked!

Truthfully, he could stare as long as he wanted, but he did have things to do. Forget his team; they were used to waiting. He needed to see the Sandaime ASAP. Just as he was about to increase his KI, the brat started sniffling as though she was attempting to hold back a sneeze. _Ah, _he thought to himself in triumph, _no one can sneeze with their eyes open._

"Ah…Ah…_Ah-choo!_" As he predicted, she had sneezed. Unfortunately, he hadn't predicted how much that one sneeze would force her tiny body backwards and smack her head straight onto the hardwood floor. Now, he may not have known much about children, but he was pretty sure their little noggins were pretty tender even at two or three years old.

The little girl began to whimper and her little hands curled at the back of her head as she started to cry. Former ANBU Captain reputation be damned. Even Kakashi knew that every adult wasn't immune to a child crying in true pain. Sighing, he moved to lift the little girl into his arms, only to have her burrow herself into his skin.

"O-Oniitan. _Itai_," she cried against his neck and clung to his shoulders. As she moved, a small slip of paper fell from one of the pockets of her footy pajamas. While absently rubbing soothing circles into the child's back, Kakashi picked up the paper and groaned.

Life was just too cruel today. The paper read:

_Name: Hatake Kiyone_

_Age: 2_

_Blood Type: O+_

_Summary: Why, hello there my newest victim. Trust me when I say this is not a joke. You can have your doctors check Kiyo's DNA and it will match yours. Raise her well._

_-SR_

"Ka'shi-niitan?" Kiyo sniffled against his neck. "I hurt and I feel yucky." He had to blink at that. Why would she feel "yucky" unless… _Damn it,_ he mentally swore and briefly put her down on his futon while he got dressed. The Sandaime could wait if Kiyone had really hurt herself.

BoPBoPBoPBoP

He hated hospitals.

The only upside to the visit was that it wasn't for him, but for a little girl who apparently _was_ his flesh and blood according to the blood tests the nurses ran for him. And although he didn't want to, he had no choice but to accept that he was responsible for the small child on the gurney. Little Kiyone had given herself a one big bump on the head. The medic told him that it was a good thing he had brought her to the hospital instead of the clinic, due to the fact yes, Kiyone's skull was still quite soft.

He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. Just an hour ago, he thought this was some kind of elaborate prank. But after discovering that it was real…just how was he supposed to go on missions with a child to look after? He couldn't put her up for adoption or foster care; he wouldn't put it past the elders to find away to breed her when she got old enough. Damn and double damn. He almost forgot about Danzo. He would have to either take her with him, or find a babysitter.

"Oniitan?"

Blinking, he looked down and saw dark eyes staring up into his one eye. She was okay. He didn't know why, but he had the feeling that it would bother him just a little if she wasn't. The nurse who stood beside her smiled and gave Kakashi the paperwork to sign, "I just need your signature here, and she'll be all ready to go. She's a spunky little thing. Bit the doctor when he was examining the bruising."

Kakashi snorted lightly through his mask and held out a hand for Kiyone to grab. She reached out and proceeded to scale his body until she reached his shoulders where she promptly stuffed her little body inside his jounin vest. "Nap!" she demanded and snuggled against his ribs. Absently, Kakashi patted her mop of hair in a soothing manner, and nodded politely to the nurse.

As he left the building through the front door-he wasn't sure how Kiyone would take to him traveling via rooftop-he muttered to her, "Let's hope we never have to go back there, ne?"

She replied with a small yawn, but as his "sister" drifted off into sleep, he felt her nod against his chest.

**A/N: Thought I'd say it now, but chapters will be short. I'm short on time, so therefore, short chapters. **

**Review please.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Did I forget to mention that this is AU? Oops.**

Kakashi took Kiyone home to change her clothes while she napped. Despite his earlier insistence that she wear blue, he chaned her into the clothes that she had chosen. If she wanted to copy the Copy Ninja, then more power to her. But hell no to the pigtails; those just had to go. As he untied her hair, he stifled a chuckle as her hair went porcupine.

At least the top half did.

Lucky for Kiyone, her hair was long enough-for a toddler anyway-that the 'spikes' drooped a bit so she looked more feminine. He didn't really own a brush-seeing as his own hair was so wild-but he made do by fingercombing it for her.

It was...odd, to say the least.

He never had any siblings, nor expected to gain one this late in life, but this wasn't so bad.

"Ka'shi-niitan..." A little hand joined his large one on top of her head. The difference in size and texture surprised him more than it should; he knew children were well, _tiny_, but actually feeling it was completely different. Shaking his head at his wayward thoughts, he lifted Kiyone onto his lap and was amused as she climbed to his shoulders and held onto his headband with her handds. Wondering if he should leave the apartment with her holding onto him like that, he took a few steps around the room and was further amused that her limbs gripped his head and neck tightly without strangling him.

"Niitan, we go pway?" He young voice was muffled by his hair, but he heard her nonetheless.

"Aa, but first the Sandaime needs to know about you."

"Aa," she echoed softly. Her Niichan said that a lot, so maybe it was important for her to know it.

* * *

"Kakashi...please tell me this is some elaborate joke done by Naruto."

"No offense, Sandaime-sama, but something this detailed is above Naruto's level of pranking. I've already been to the hospital for some blood testing, and they have confirmed that she is related to me." _Somehow,_ went unsaid.

"In that case, I'll have to tell the Council and grant you custody of her." The Professor was wise indeed judging by Kakashi's reaction. His posture straightened and a hand was raised to support the child on his shoulders.

"You're not granting the Elders custody?" It was a careful but cautious question.

"Why would I? Kakashi, your father was a hero and a good friend to me. As this child is indeed your flesh and blood, then she is his as well. I would never endanger a child to the manipulations of the Council." _Naruto excluded,_ he thought with regret.

"A-Arigato, Sandaime-sama." This was unexpected for Kakashi; normally, if Kiyone had not been related to him or any other clan, the Council would hand her over to Danzo. Speaking of which... "What will happen to her when she becomes of age? Won't the Council try something?" And by something, he meant the Clan Restoration Act. Sure that would be many years away, but it was wise to be cautious.

"Ah, I see why you would worry," the Hokage exhaled and tipped his hat back, "Kakashi, you are the head of the Hatake Clan. As she is apparently _your_ sister, you are her guardian. The Council cannot interfere with your decisions. But be wary, Danzo will not let this 'golden opportunity' to slip away from him."

Kiyone hiccuped and bounced on Kakashi's shoulders.

The Hokage smiled, "If you like, I can spare a team of ANBU to watch over her and whoever you find to care for her when you're on missions. Since she will be within the village," he continued before the Copy Nin could interrupt, "the team will be composed of shinobi that you once worked with and hold no grudge against your family and its past."

"San'aime-jijitan, can we go pway?"

Kakashi sweatdropped.

She did _not_ just say that.

**A/N: Cute, ain't she? **

**Review, please ^^**


	4. Chapter 4

It was official.

Kakashi was never going to have children; not after today since realizing his little sister was on equal grounds at destruction as the Kyuubi was. He left her with the Hokage for _five_ minutes to lecture his wayward team about eavesdropping outside the Hokage tower, and he came back to find complete and utter Hell.

"_Kiyone,_" he growled in a pitch that was usually reserved for when his ninken did something completely inappropriate, then pressed the heel of his hand against his visible eye. "What am I supposed to do with you?"

The dreaded punishment—some called it a reward but what do they know?—known as paperwork was annihilated. Meaning, the great Sandaime Hokage looked away for one minute before the toddler tore into the paperwork that was sitting on the edge of the desk. And to make matters worse, right when he walked in, she was sitting on the desk.

Using the Hokage's Seeing Ball as a large drool toy.

It didn't help that it slipped from her grasp and rolled off the desk to hit said Hokage in his privates. The child had to be a sadist as she laughed at "the funny faces San'aime-jijitan was making".

"Hokage sama," Kakashi really had no idea what to say in a situation like this. Even apologizing didn't seem like enough.

"It's…fine…" Sarutobi wheezed, trying desperately not to laugh. In all honesty, the ball missed him and he faked it just to watch Kakashi struggle to not react. Whoever said old people had some mean games knew what they were talking about. "Just go and complete the mission with your team. I believe it's safe enough to take Kiyone chan with you."

_Sadist,_ Kakashi's mind hissed at the Sandaime.

Sighing in resignation, he bowed politely to the village leader and scooped up the menace on the desk. Using shunshin, he teleported to his apartment.

…when Kiyone promptly threw up over his back.

_Note to self: Check if shunshin is safe enough for toddlers before traveling._ Groaning, he brought her inside the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom.

"Gomen, Ka'shi-niitan." Kiyone hiccupped as he removed both his clothing and hers and placed her in the tub. Normally, he would have bathed first, but Kiyone was the definition of Murphy's Law, and he really didn't want to take that chance. Turning on the water, he got in the tub and immediately went to work on getting them both cleaned up. Sure he was late to whatever time he told his team to meet him at, but he really didn't want to go around the village reeking of vomit.

That just wouldn't be professional.

BoPBoPBoPBoPBoPBoPBoPBoPBoP

Explaining to his team about why there was a female chibified version of him following him went pretty well. Then again, threatening to run them into the ground during training if they said anything drove the point home. And Kiyone did look nearly like him.

Right after their bath, he left her to dress herself—he found another note in his room about her being potty-trained at least—then ran with her on his shoulders to the marketplace. Today's mission: escort a little old lady from the grocers to her house on the outskirts of the village. It would have been as simple as it sounded if Naruto hadn't picked a fight with Sasuke. Again.

Or if Sakura didn't insist on trying to tie Kiyone's hair back into pigtails. You know, all while they were carrying the little old lady's groceries. Even Kiyone was holding some canned cat food in her hands as she walked beside them while she tried not to trip over her own sleeves. She had picked out a long-sleeved sweater where her hands just barely hit the halfway point of the sleeves and a pair of blue sweats to match her blue sandals.

And it only got worse when they started walking through the busiest section of the marketplace. Kakashi instructed Sakura to keep an eye on Kiyone—an impossible task since her eyes were glued on Sasuke. It wasn't until he distantly heard the clatter of tin on the ground followed by a sniffle.

"Ah! Niitan?"

Not good. Kiyone was just barely over three feet tall and was now lost in a crowd of civilians. "Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura. Help Noriko san get to her home, I'll meet you there." It was a bad idea to leave a team of unstable genin alone, but it was an even worse idea to find his little sister trampled in the dirt.

"Niitan? Niitan?"

The frantic pitch in her voice had him feeling odd. Because Hatake Kakashi _never _worried…on the outside at least. Years as ANBU really came in handy when it came to locating the little tyke. Especially when she was spinning around with the cat food in her sleeves while calling for him. He reached her right as she was getting ready to cry and scooped her up into his arms.

She accidentally slapped him with one of the cans while she hugged his neck. "Ka'shi-niitan lost me," she sniffled as he rubbed her back in soothing circles.

"Aa, gomen Kiyone. I think I might need to get you one of those child leashes."

**A/N: Gah…not even a long chapter. My brain is fried. **

**Review please.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to MalikaiDragonSlayer for reviewing every chapter so far. I really do value your reviews! And that goes for anyone else who chooses to review just once for my story. Thank you.**

If there was one thing Kakashi knew, it was that waking up with a small pudgy foot pressed against your cheek was downright irritating. Especially, when said foot twitched/kicked his face when he tried to move the menace off of him. Sighing, he gently moved Kiyone off him and quietly got up from the bed and left the room. His team's client from their last mission, Noriko san, had given him helpful tips on how to raise a child.

Apparently naps and vegetables were important.

He got the nap part down, even if it mean sacrificing poor Pakkun's tail—Kiyone tired herself out by chasing the ninken and trying to grab his tail. Now it was time for the vegetables and by glancing at the wall clock, it was also time for dinner. Normally, he'd whip up some leftovers—typically, some fish, tempura and rice—but he kept picturing that Kiyone would manage to injure herself with chopsticks. Did toddlers even _know_ how to use chopsticks?

Oh geez.

Just how did his father manage it with him? Then again, Kakashi already had an adult mind at age six, so that didn't really count. And at least his mother lived long enough to get him passed his toddler years.

Oh _geez. _

So here he was, the great Copy Ninja of Konoha was washing baby carrots and slicing grapes to check if they were seedless like the label said. And he was cooking fresh rice because the leftover rice might be too hard for his sister to eat and she could choke on it. And then there was the matter of finding another set of chopsticks that he could use to feed her with. And that was assuming she didn't hurl the food back in his face.

Even a ninja like him had babysitting experience in his early years.

Kami, this was more aggravating than attempting to get Naruto to shut up without the use of ramen. He had already set the table when a shriek of pure terror pierced him to the bone, and he was chilled to the marrow.

"Ka'shi-niitan! Ka'shi-niitan?" Kiyone's screams were frantic as they echoed throughout his apartment. More than worried—but remember! He's a Hatake, so it's not like he'd admit it out loud!—he ran back to his room and ripped open the door.

…and his little sister tumbled to the floor in front of him in tears.

Eyebrow furrowed in confusion, he lifted her into his arms and patted her wild hair. "What's wrong, Kiyone?"

As was her current habit, Kiyone hugged his neck and clung to his shoulders. "Ka'shi-niitan lef' me alone!" She wailed into his ear, "A-And the door was so high! I can' open..!" She whined miserably as she continued to cry.

Kakashi wanted to smash his head into a wall. He should have left the door open in case she woke up, or just in case she decided to wander around. At least he'd have been able to hear her. _Dammit._

Awkwardly patting her on the head, he absently rocked her in his arms. "Shh, it's alright. Come on now, it's dinner time and Noriko san left me with some baby carrots for you."

Kiyone sniffled, "You has car'ots?"

"Aa, and some grapes. Would you like to eat them now?"

She sniffled one last time before wiping at her eyes and gave him a big toothy smile. "Hai, Ka'shi-niitan!"

**A/N: I honestly considered ending the chapter here, but a brilliant idea struck me and now I can't resist.**

He was taking her to the park to play.

It seemed to be the most logical away to entertain her since Pakkun had started to refuse his summons. Apparently on the other plane, Kiyone had become an Animal Summons' nightmare. Not even three years old and his sister had quite the reputation.

Today she was wearing blue capris and a white turtleneck. Why the turtleneck? You didn't really think that _the_ Hatake Kakashi would be seen in public with his little sister, did you? They were going to the park in the wee hours of the morning. His little sister was apparently a night owl who required hours and _hours_ of play time. And at least with her wearing white, she was visible to him while she played.

But as he had come to learn about life without Kiyone, nothing was ever going to be simple.

Example number one nearly trampled her in a blur of green spandex.

Kakashi glared as a second blur of green spandex had her clinging to the slide for dear life. There were times when he wanted to kill Maito Gai…usually it was when he was more obnoxious than usual, but this was the only time he would ever find peace with his sister around. And Gai just rained on his parade.

"My eternal rival!"

No way in hell was he going to expose Kiyone to that. Gently prying her fingers off the metal slide, he set her down on the ground next to him where she promptly clutched his pant leg. "Niitan, 'm scared." She whispered.

"I see you are awake bright and early this morning. The Springtime of Youth must surely be upon you!" Gai strode up to him with that horrible grin of his. He had been cued in about Kakashi's current situation and thought now would be a good time as any to shed youthful light and inspiration on the young one. "Ah, you have brought your youthful sibling as well!"

His eyes connected with Kiyone's, who outright flinched in fear. Kiyone did not like the man with caterpillar eyebrows. "Ka'shi-niitan," she mumbled, "I wan' go home."

_So do I._

Then Gai knelt down and reached for something in his kunai pouch. Kakashi tensed for a moment until he saw candy in his "rival's" hand. Oh, _no._ If Kiyone got a hold of candy, she wasn't going to let him sleep for the next _week._

Gai offered it to Kiyone with a smile that strangely projected the image of crashing waves on the rocks and a blinding sunset. Which was odd since it was barely dawn…

To a two year old like Kiyone, it was the scariest thing she had ever seen. His smile reminded her of the sharks she saw in the animal book Sakura got her. And his_ eyebrows_ outright frightened her. They were wiggling and _alive._ And the second his hand got close enough to offer the candy to her, she screamed.

The frequency was so high that the dogs in the Inuzuka compound were having mini-seizures.

And it was then that Kakashi decided his sister required a restraining order against Gai. And possibly his identical student, just to be safe.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to K.E. Smith for being the first to review for chapter 5. Thank you so much for your honest opinion. :)**

**I like to believe that the mission to Wave Country wasn't the first time Team 7 asked for a C rank mission. This is my take on it.**

Sasuke lived for his pride as an Uchiha.

Killing his older brother had become his whole world, albeit somewhere in the back of his mind he knew better than to listen to the man who wiped out his family. But Sasuke was only twelve years old and was a snotty revenge-driven genin. So his pride got hit pretty damn hard when Kakashi assigned him a top priority mission that ended up being a babysitting job.

Of his sensei's sister.

He really didn't have a choice in the matter, not after Kakashi delivered a mission scroll with the Hokage's name on it. Since when did the brat gain a status of high priority from the Hokage? Well it didn't matter now; she was currently chewing on his shirt. His _favorite _shirt.

Ironically the shirt belonged to his older brother.

He could feel the drool seeping into his shoulder. Kakashi had left him with a baby book and he was trying to get the kid to sleep. Except the kid chose to snuggle into Sasuke's shirt then proceeded to eat it. Apparently she was teething.

_Dammit all to hell…_

Frustrated but not willing enough to disobey the Hokage's orders, he removed his shirt and gave it to Kiyo to gnaw on. "Stay here, I'll get lunch." He closed the door behind him, not wanting her to go crawling through his apartment and into his things while he put together something to eat. He didn't exactly know what toddlers could or couldn't eat, but his guess was that rice was safe enough. So it was onigiri for lunch today.

His first clue that something might possibly be wrong was the silence in the small apartment. Even when she was eating his shirt, she made some modicum of noise. And since Sasuke was known to be extremely paranoid, his mind jumped to the worst case scenario: Kiyo had actually managed to somehow swallow some of his shirt.

Kakashi was going to skin him alive.

Putting down the tray of rice balls, he ran to his room and threw open the door. What he saw made him believe that Kakashi was going to skin him alive with a chopstick. His shirt was in the room, but the monster who had been chewing it was nowhere to be seen.

_Oh shi—_

Escape ladders were convenient things for a toddler. Especially a toddler who recently learned how to climb down from places that was so high. And especially when her precious "Nii tan" taught her how to properly fall into a roll.

No one could blame a Hatake for starting training early. Itachi was trained from birth!

Blinking away the dust cloud she created when she rolled, Kiyone looked up at the window she escaped from. "'Suke! 'Suke come pway!"

When she didn't see him come to the window, she took a deep breath and yelled louder, "Pway 'Suke! Now!"

"You demon child, there you are!"

Finally catching her babysitter's attention, she was pleased to see that he was waving the now drool covered shirt at her before coming down the fire escape to pick her up. "Sensei would have killed me if you really got away…" he muttered under his breath. "Oh, Kami, what now?"

Kiyo had started to cry. Great big sobs that shook her little body. "Not a demon, 'm not!" Upset, she pointed an indignant finger at him and cried, "You're mean. I'm gonna tell Nii tan you yell at me. I don' like you, 'Suke!"

Sasuke wondered if it would have taken much for his brother to kill him when he had the chance. At least that would have been a mercy compared to finding out his sensei's sister was going to rat him out for being a bad babysitter.

* * *

Sakura couldn't believe her luck when she found out it was her turn to take care of Kakashi's sister. She finally had another girl to play with and dress up and make new hairstyles….

"No! No! No, no, no!"

Kiyone didn't care how much it hurt as she ripped the hair ties from her hair. She didn't like the pinky haired girl very much; especially since she insisted on using her as a doll.

"But Kiyo chan, you'll look so pretty!" Sakura could not understand the child's behavior. When she was Kiyo's age, she wanted nothing more than to fit in and look pretty like the other girls at school.

"Don' wanna look pwetty! I wanna pway outside with Nii tan and 'Suke!" The toddler was currently wiping the gunk off her face. What twelve year old put make up and a child that young?

"Kiyo chan, they're not playing. They're training. It's too dangerous for little girls like you to be with them."

"I don' care! I don' like you!"

"Kiyo chan, don't yell. Here, how about you put on this dress—"

"No more dresses!" Fed up as only a frustrated toddler would be, Kiyo took matters into her own hands. Literally. It was such a pity that Sakura kept her hair long since it was what Kiyo went for. "I make _you_ look pwetty!" Grabbing handfuls of Sakura's hair, Kiyo yanked and pulled it in different directions. After all, that's what it felt like Sakura did to her.

"Ow! Kiyo, let go of my hair! Kiyo, let go now! Let go!"

"I wan' go home! I want my Nii tan!"

* * *

Naruto had no idea what his teammates were complaining about. Kiyone was more tolerable than the babies at the orphanage. If she got hungry, he fed her. She wanted a nap? He read her a story. Play time at the training grounds? Odd, but no problem.

He played hide and go seek with her to practice his stealth. Even though he could hear her giggles, it would be good to practice sneaking up on someone. He didn't get very many chances around his sensei. And she was good company; she listened to what he had to say and that's more than what anyone else in the village besides the Hokage could do.

"…'Ruto wan' play on swing?"

Laughing, Naruto picked up Kiyone from the ground and set her on the swing properly.

…only to watch her slide right off.

"I can' do it, 'Ruto."

She looked so forlorn as she looked up at him with her big dark eyes that he patted her head and lifted her up in his arms. Sitting down on the swing himself, he placed her on his lap and took her hands in his. He helped show her how to hold the ropes on the side and gently kicked off from the ground to get the swing to…well, swing.

"See, you just hold on to these and you won't fall down anymore."

"Tank you, 'Ruto."

* * *

"But sensei!"

"No."

"Kakashi sensei, I took care of her like you said!"

"You made her cry."

"I just wanted to dress her up a little…"

"Sakura, when she came home, she tore apart ever dress she owned."

"…"

"And Sasuke, I heard from Asuma that Kiyo found her way outside your apartment."

"…she didn't get far."

"He said he watched her climb out of your window. You're on the third floor of the apartment complex."

"…"

Naruto shook his head at his teammate's antics while Kiyone sat on his shoulders. She was playing peek-a-boo by covering his eyes with her hands. He knew Sakura was an only child, but she had to have known that just because Kiyone was a little girl didn't mean she would like the same things Sakura did at her age. And leave it to Mr. Antisocial Uchiha to nearly lose sensei's sister. Did they really not know how to pay attention?

"Peek-a-boo, 'Ruto!" Kiyo's hands couldn't quite fully cover his eyes, but she still tried. She liked Naruto best instead of her other babysitters. He was nice to her and taught her new games.

"Ne, sensei." Naruto lifted Kiyone from his shoulders to sit on his lap, "Are we still going to train like you said?"

"Of course. After all, you didn't nearly lose her or make her cry. I'd say you're responsible enough for the C rank mission the Hokage is offering." Kakashi gave Naruto his one-eyed smile and internally giggled at Sakura and Sasuke's expressions. Both looked ready to suffer an aneurysm due to the blood vessel about to pop in their foreheads.

Definitely worth seeing if he meant he would finally get a chance to tell Naruto about his parents without any interruptions.

**A/N: Wow that took longer than I thought it would. Oh well. At least I got it done.**

**Review please.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sweet Jeebus, it's been over a year since the last update. Sorry I've been busy, folks. I've been trying to wrap my head around the massive case of writer's block.**

**Special dedication to: loba, PervertAnimeOtaku, and LadyJemise for reviewing even though the last update was in 2011. You guys rock. **

Kakashi knew it was just going to be one of _those_ days.

Sasuke's superiority complex was slowly turning into a massive inferiority complex over Naruto's growth and development regarding his chakra control. It wasn't anything spectacular, but the rate at which he was learning was extraordinary. Having shadow clones definitely helped.

And Kami almighty but Sakura was only getting more annoying by the day. He was half tempted to throw her headfirst into Anko the next time he saw her. Her skills as a shinobi only went as far as her textbook knowledge would allow her.

He was just about to bang his head into his dining table when Kiyone waddled over to him with a box that was slightly opened. He immediately started to feel an overwhelming sense of dread and a tiny hint of fear. The box contained his emergency suicide pills that were given to every traveling ranked ninja. They didn't just help them off themselves, but this version set their body aflame to help prevent enemies from gaining their secrets.

"Nii-tan, I found candies." Kiyone proudly lifted the box into his hand and patted it as if proud of her discovery.

"Kiyone," he lifted her so she sat on the table as he inspected her mouth with a gentle intensity fueled by paranoia, "did you eat any of the…candies?"

"Ah didn' ee any ahf 'em." She spoke around her brother's careful inspection. When he was satisfied, she wiped her mouth with her sleeve. "I found one on the floor. I put it back 'cause Nii-tan doesn't like messy in the room."

Deciding to show a rare display of affection, he put her in his arms so that she snuggled against his chest while he rubbed her back. "Thank Kami I'm raising a clean freak." He was in the middle of setting her down for nap when he got an idea. An awful idea. Yes, Kakashi got a wonderful, _awful_ idea!*

_That afternoon…._

Sakura was trying in vain not to lose the staring contest started by her sensei's little sister. She could have sworn that the toddler's near intimidating stare only hardened by the second. She could only just barely listen to her sensei describe the importance of carrying suicide pills on them just in case—she blinked and dropped her jaw. "I'm sorry to interrupt, sensei, but _suicide pills_? Is that necessary? We're only genin!"

With her sensei's intense one-eyed stare focused solely on her person, the part of her brain that wasn't absolutely terrified idly commented: _So that glare _is_ genetic_. With just one eye, she got the message loud and clear that right at this moment, she was an utter disappointment and embarrassment to Team Seven.

_Nope. That part was said aloud. Damn it, Sakura!_ Her inner self raged as outer Sakura forced herself to pay attention and not interrupt her sensei again.

"Sakura, you seem to miss the point every time I attempt to teach it to you." With a near growl, he snapped at the boys, "Sasuke, Naruto, take Kiyone over there and do some stealth training. If she finds you that's five hundred laps around the village." Watching them pick up his sister and dash away as if the hounds of hell were snapping at their asses barely soothed his frustration. Kiyone had a nifty habit of finding whatever went missing. Once when he asked her how she did it, she said they "smelled funny". He supposed it should have bothered him on some level that she also inherited a keen sense of smell like he did.

"But…sensei…I was nearly the top of my class. I was right behind Sasuke and way above Naruto!" The vein in her overly large forehead began to pulse. "So what the Hell am I missing?"

"Language, Sakura." Kakashi was grateful that Kiyone was a good distance away and couldn't hear them. He didn't want her swearing until she was at least seven years old. "Academically, you're at the top of your game." Watching her eyes light up at what she thought was praise; he chose to squash that belief ruthlessly. "In the real world, you're useless. Sasuke graduated because he not only was intelligent, but developed his own skills in Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, and Genjutsu. Naruto may not have passed in front of his peers, but he did put all his effort into bettering himself at Ninjutsu in order to reach his goal. Currently, your only goal is to become a woman 'worthy of Sasuke-kun' and that won't cut it here.

Sakura, you are _failing._ Not just yourself, but me and your teammates as well. Your Taijutsu is still basic with no improvement and your Genjutsu is marginally better than the boys because of your chakra control." He paused to see if any of that had sunk in.

"But Iruka-sensei said that having an affinity for Genjutsu was an admirable skill."

"It is. But only when it's improved through one's blood, sweat and tears. Genjutsu will only get you so far; mostly because your skill in Ninjutsu is deplorable at best. You only do the bare minimum of endurance and stamina training so your chakra levels have stayed remarkably low. And with low chakra, how will you be able to defend yourself at all?"

"B-But Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun—"

"—will not always be there to save you. Sakura, a kunoichi _must _have the confidence to be able to save herself. If you insist on being solely dependent on your teammates, then at least have these on you _at all times._" He handed her the box of suicide pills and said over his shoulder before walking away, "I want you to think about the career you chose. Did you honestly want to protect this village and its people, or did you want to become the perfect bride for Sasuke-kun? Because right now, you don't stand a chance at either."

Now he had to go find his wayward sister and her babysitters. It didn't take him long to find both Naruto and Sasuke hugging the branches of a tree for dear life while Kiyone jumped up and down and clawed at the trunk. Her eyes were near feral and she was screaming "MINE! MINE!" in a shrill voice that scared off the local wildlife.

Walking around the tree the boys were desperately clinging to, he could see what had set her off. Naruto and Sasuke were holding lollipops in their hands that Kiyone would kill to get her hands on. He could hear snippets of an argument:

"Where the Hell did the candy come from, Naruto?!" Sasuke growled in aggravation.

"How would I know? I just found them when she found us!" Naruto scathingly hissed back. He had to pee damn it. And he was hungry!

"…so how about we make that one thousand laps around the village. Five hundred because she found you and five hundred but you still can't figure out how." Kakashi nearly giggled into his mask as he picked up Kiyone, who settled once she was in his arms. He ruffled her hair with a one-eyed smile, "Good job, Kiyo-chan."

It wasn't until later when he was tucking her in bed when he discovered her new favorite word. His Killer Intent spiked so high, some of the nearby ANBU gathered near the apartment complex to investigate. It was when they heard a cute chirp of "Hell!" followed by a snarl of "They're going to train until they _beg_ for death" when they realized it was nothing to worry about. They only pitied the genin of Team Seven just a little bit more.

**A/N: I know it's not my best, but I had fun with it. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Wow! One review in such a short time! –Cries dramatically happy tears-**

**Special thanks to ****mittensx7768**** for being first to review last chapter!**

Kakashi was desperately trying not to merge his head with a wall. Kiyone was no longer in her "Terrible Two's" but at age three, she had hit one of the worse phases for children. She liked to ask "why?"

It all started around four in the morning when she asked her big brother: "Why do we sleep?"

Kakashi cracked an eye open and patted her head, "We sleep so we can be well rested in the morning."

"Why is there a morning?" She was half buried under the blankets, her head resting on his chest as she stared at him with one eye. She loved copying her big brother; she only wished she head the shiny headband like him so she could copy him all the time.

"Because we need a specific time to differentiate between night and day. Go to sleep, Kiyo-chan, I'll take you to the park in a few hours. You can ask me more questions when we're both awake." He affectionately rubbed her back in the way that put her to sleep.

"Oh," she yawned. "Okay, Nii-tan."

She had just closed her eyes when Kakashi heard a sleepy slur of "Why do they call it a park?" Kakashi could only groan and tried desperately to fall back asleep.

_Later that morning…_

It only got worse. Especially when they went shopping after play time in the park and Kiyone disagreed with Kakashi about what she wanted to wear.

"Kiyone...you can't keep dressing like me all the time. You're a little girl; you'll get confused with a little boy."

And then she said the last thing he wanted to hear: "No."

"…"

"No, Nii-tan. I want to be just like you."

"Kami, I hope not," he muttered under his breath and gave up trying to argue with her. She had already asserted her dominance when she glared at another child at the park who wanted to use the swing she was on. "Okay, Kiyo-chan, black turtle neck or black tee shirt?"

"…why do they call it a turtle neck? Is it made out of turtles?"

"….I feel like Sakura is better suited to answering this question than I am. At least she's a girl." He mumbled as he paid for their purchases and headed home, his sister talking about things she saw while she played at the park with the other children.

"..Kara-kun was being a poo head though. He was saying mean things about 'Ruto-tan." Kakashi paused mid step and went through his memory about which child was "Kara-kun". He had to be the Hyuuga child that Kiyone constantly argued with whenever they met. "He said that 'Ruto-tan was a monster, but I don't think he's a monster. 'Ruto-tan is nice and he plays swing with me and he doesn't pull my hair like 'Ra-tan does."

Kakashi let out a relieved sigh and chuckled to himself. He was glad that Kiyone saw the good in Naruto just like he did. But he was going to have to talk to Sakura about the hair pulling. It would explain why some days Kiyone would come home upset that Sakura tied her hair up or braided it.

**A/N: A short chapter, but it's cute nonetheless. Anyone who gets the reference from the last chapter marked with a * gets an e-cookie.**

**:D**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Clearly, I'm not going to sleep tonight; might as well do the next chapter. Things are getting more serious and I don't remember if I mentioned it or not, but this story is AU.**

Kakashi had finally done it. He had found the perfect day care system that would take care of Kiyone when he would be assigned long term missions. The name of the day care system: Team Ten. They would be paid as though on a D rank, when in reality it was a favor since Kiyone disliked civilian babysitters.

Asuma and his team had done their fair share of babysitting missions but so far, Kiyone was almost too grown up to be a child. At age four, she was hyperaware of her surroundings and extremely observant. She was quick to make an assessment of his team and she had made it very clear that she did _not_ like Ino one bit.

"Kiyo-chan, don't you want to practice for your flower arrangement class? I can help you." Ino told her with a kind smile. A smile that froze on her face when the look in Kiyone's eyes damn near stopped her heart. Her glare was damn near on par with that of the demon kid from Suna. It was the same look Kakashi had given her when she and the other Rookies discovered the truth behind Naruto's nearly unlimited chakra supply.

She might have said something along the lines of 'What Hokage would keep a monster in the village' when Kakashi's Killer Intent became entirely focused on her being.

But Ino would not take such disrespectful behavior from a child. Even if that child was the sister of a famous ninja. "Kiyo-chan, that's not a very nice look to give someone."

At her words, the four year old's glare only intensified. What felt distinctly like Killer Intent started leaking from the Copy-Nin miniature.

Shikamaru glanced at the females in the room out of the corner of his eye while he played Shogi with his mentor. "Troublesome. Ino should know better."

"How so, Shikamaru?" Asuma asked his student while considering his next move.

"I used to play with Naruto back when we—" he nodded towards Chouji, "—were little once did he act or behave like a demon. A little monster in the kid-sense, yes. But not a true monster like the Kyuubi was described to be."

"Shika is right, Asuma-sensei." Chouji said mid-chip, "I've helped Naruto look after Kiyone before. She looks up to Naruto as a family member. Ino may not remember, but Kiyone was there at the exam stadium."

Asuma nodded. He remembered as well that it was Kiyone who climbed onto Naruto's shoulders to cover his ears when some of the other Rookies started bad-mouthing Naruto after Ino spoke up.

Asuma, Shikamaru, and Chouji were some of those that didn't care about Naruto's status as a container. They were disappointed in Ino though; all she did was complain about the situation. And she often did it within hearing distance of Naruto's team.

"Ino needs to learn," Asuma abestenly reached into his pocket for a cigarette," Kiyone may be a child, but she's a Hatake through and through. She doesn't think like a child does at her age, and no doubt Kakashi has already started her training. So if Ino thinks she can talk down to this child, she's in for a rude awakening."

Ino tried to keep a calm facial expression. Kiyone's own facial expression was just as calm, but her eyes were harder than steel, and burned with barely contained rage. And that was frightening look on a child.

"Ino-san, I don't like you. You're mean to Naruto-niisan. 'Kashi-niisan said I don't have to be nice to mean people who don't see." Kiyone's tone was colder than a graveyard, much like her big brother's when Sasuke would say something extra mean.

"See what, Kiyo-chan?" Ino really didn't want to talk to this kid anymore.

"How nice Naruto-niisan is to everyone. Monsters aren't nice to people. Demons don't make friends or help kids learn how to play on the swings. Naruto-niisan takes care of me. Just like Chouji-niisan, Shika-niisan, Sandaime-ojiisan take care of me. Does that make them monsters too?"

Ino was stunned. When she was four, she never talked that way, nor did she use logic like that. "W-Well no, Kiyo-chan, but you don't understand…" How to explain to a child the monstrosity of the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox?

"No, Ino-san, you don't understand. You're the monster." Without another word to Ino, Kiyone's anger and Killer Intent evaporated into thin air. The young Hatake walked over to Chouji and sat on his lap. Hugging her knees to her chest, she mumbled, "I want 'Kashi-niisan to come home."

* * *

When Kakashi returned home after a little "Team Trust Building" exercises, he noticed something off about his home. Granted, his father died in the house and he only recently claimed the estate, but the house was far too silent.

"Kiyo-chan, I'm home." He called out knowing she had to be home. He had bumped into Asuma on the way home, who let him know that he had just escorted her to the house.

He heart he soft creak of the hardwood floor and knew his sister was coming to greet him. What he didn't expect was for her to be wearing one of his many black turtleneck, long-sleeved shirts as a dress. Nor did he expect her to have puffy eyes and a stuffy nose as she launched herself into his arms.

"Kiyo-chan, what happened?" He rubbed her back in soothing circles while she cried into his Jounin vest.

"W-Why are people s-so mean to N-Naruto-niisan? I h-hate them all!" She wailed.

"Shh, it's okay. People just don't know Naruto-kun like we do. They'll learn he's a good person." Kakashi could only hope his words got through to her. Asuma had mentioned that Kiyone was developing a slight anger problem.

The following day, Kiyone was suspended from the Academy for kicking a classmate in the chest so hard, one of his lungs collapsed. Luckily, the boy received proper medical attention just in time.

When Kakashi received the news, he sighed heavily and dismissed his students. After picking up Kiyone from school, he asked her why she hurt her classmate and went into a short lecture about camaraderie with ninja of the same village when she cut him off.

"He said the White Fang was dead, so why should the daughter of a dead failure of a ninja be anything special?" She whispered to him while she fought tears. She never knew her father, but she was sure he would have loved and supported her no matter what. Just like her big brother did. And her big brother always told her that their father would have been proud of his children. She knew that meant a lot to both of them, but she knew it meant the most to her brother.

Kakashi felt his blood boil and was tempted to turn back and beat the snot out of the teacher who most likely wasn't going to punish the other boy for his words.

Small fingers curled around his own, making him look down. The sight of his sister wiping her tears with her head hanging low while her other hand desperately clung to his, took the edge of his initial anger. Kneeling, he wrapped an arm around her and let her cry.

The life of a ninja, no matter the age, was a hard life indeed. And as much as he wanted her to stay a child, she was a Hatake too. She had to grow up even if she didn't want to.

**A/N: I think the final chapter is coming up. There will be a sequel about her growing up of course. And the fun starts over when she hits puberty and starts noticing boys.**


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